Dear Santa

I know it's been a while since we talked. Specifically that Christmas when you got my brother presents but none for me because I was too old.

Anyway, I'm excited for your visit this year because we have a fireplace now. Before my dad used to say you would come through the screen door or the doggie door but I always felt like we were getting the short end of the peppermint stick.

I'm writing you to tell you I've been very good this year and also to tell you that Heather has been bad. Could I please have her presents? We would like better, faster internet, all the hard liquor outside of our budget and an Old Navy expense account.

Thank you.