Its cold tonight. I can see the frost already crystalizing on the windows. This makes me sad. Frost is one of those things that magically appears while we're sleeping. I don't want to be up late enough to see the windshields changing their clothes. I don't want to be up late anyways. Staying up late is almost always linked to trying to get a boy to fall in love with me. And thats all backwards. So I'm going to bed and hoping I can rid myself of boys and desires and everything meaningless.

Right now I find myself missing Kathy. I want her to come over and read me Winnie the Pooh while I fall asleep. I haven't seen her in several days and I probably won't either. I hate that. She's one of many I wish I could spend more time with. Invest in again. Now I feel like its all maintenance. We've all run out of time for investing and we're running on reserves just trying to keep everything working. I wonder if it ends or if it will always be this way. Will new people come to invest with? How long with that last? Will those relationships too revert to maintenance? Sad sad thoughts.

A new semester.

Its interesting how much has changed and how little has changed. Almost all the same people are here doing almost all the same things. Its the relationships that have changed.

I have found myself missing some people more now then I did in the summer. And that strikes me as curious since they are now just a short walk away. I even see some of them every day.

The start of the semester has been a fun time of retrospection and introspection. I thought a lot about this time a year ago. I was just meeting these people I am so close with know. Everything was so fresh, so new and I feel like I have come so far since then. I feel that everything is so much different. I've found myself comparing now and then very closely. There are some things that are so very very similar that it is eerily scary. I prayed for second chances and I wonder if thats what this semester is.

I am trying so hard to make this better. If its a second chance I better not ruin it, right?