I once wrote a paper about some literary character. The introduction talked about how the character was so complex one could spend her whole life studying him. I'm not sure if I believe that, I just put it in because the teacher told me to. You know what I actually think is complex? Communication. I could spend my whole life studying and trying to understand communication.

I have different communication with different people. Its so bizarre. One of my very best friends I didn't talk to almost all semester. But we're still just as close. I have another friend, though, that if I don't talk to them almost every day I start going through withdrawl.

There are also different ways of communicating with the people in my life. There's in person, email/letters, on the phone, instant messanger, and a variety of other methods. With some friends instant messanger works. With others I'm all about the phone calls. I'm not sure what its based on. I'm sure it has something to do with how the friendship was formed--which method of communication was used at the beginning.

And when I must substitute the other methods rather than the preferred one to communicate with a friend, its just not the same. I have one close friend who I usually communicate with in person. Circumstances recently have prevented that form of communication though and we have talked through instant messanger and the phone. And I was still taking with them often but it didn't seem sufficient. I finally realized last night that, duh, its because we're substituting. So when I realized this last night and I pictured my friend, I really really felt the distance. Stupid distance.

Today I made a casserole. I was very domestic. I measured all the ingredients and cooked it the right amout of time and everything. I even made it look decorative. Aren't I domestic?

Thats the issue, I'm not very domestic. While I enjoy producing the occasional casserole, cooking has never been my passion. I hope to one day take a cooking class or two (my high school was too busy shoving brit lit down my throat to bother with home economics) but even more so, I hope to marry a man who loves to cook.

Some people tell me thats backwards. That the woman should be in the kitchen. Thats in unbiblical to do in any other way. I disagree.

So I had this blog thing for a day. About three people on the face of this earth know about it. One of them is this kid I really don't know that well but yesterday he was provoked by this to talk to me. We had this whole conversation about me not knowing the meaning of Christmas or maybe not caring or something. I don't remember exactly. But it was interesting.

My mother actually forced my yesterday to talk to her about why I hate Christmas. Not that I hate Christmas, those were her words. After a painful psych coversation with her she decided that I had subconciously associated Christmas with some horrible experiences in my life and thats why I had this seemingly unfounded dislike. She wants to fix me. I really don't care.

Additionally, someone else I really dont know read my aim profile and decided that I was trying too hard to be cute. I didn't even know what that meant. So that's kinda frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I give out a "please hate me vibe" to some people. I usual dont have a problem with people disliking me. I dunno. Its weird.

So now I have a blog. Isn't that cute? I'm not exactly sure why I got one. They sounded kind of fun. I keep a journal but thats kinda private. Well, not always. Sometimes I let certain people read it. But I can't really monitor this that way.

It is Christmas Eve. But I don't really care. I have absolutely no Christmas spirit. I'm not anti-Christmas or anything. I just think its overdone and a lot of wasted money. Well, maybe I am anti-Christmas.