When I was in the third grade I think my teacher made the mistake of telling my mom that I was "a delight to have in class." Of course I was. At the simple age of nine I loved learning how to spell and doing art projects and being completely unburdened. In the fourth grade I was also a delight to have in class. And in the fifth grade I became manipulative.

Manipulation doesn't subtract from my delightfulness. In fact, the latter is a manifestation of the former. Being a delight meant I got away with everything. It meant that my teacher would give me books to read for fun and extra credit assignments if I hadn't quite grasped fractions in time for the test.

Ten years later, I'm still a delight in class. I ask good questions, I laugh at my professors' jokes. I also make fun of my professors when they're not looking to be friends with the other students. In the end I get A's. I also get good recommendations. I sometimes even have fun and I usually learn something.

So whats wrong with manipulation? Is anyone really getting hurt?

I can't stop myself from asking good question and making the teacher remember me. Just like I spent hours studying for those spelling test and trying to learn fractions, I take time today to learn. I love learning. I love ideas and books and class. Do I take away from the learning experience by being calculating?

Kathy said tonight, "I just want you to get married so you can have a permanent friend forever." I really appreciated that comment because she was reflecting on the loving part of my relationships and not the obsessive part. Now I just need to pull of loving without being obsessive. What a mess.

"Abigail, you're the kind of person they tell us about in training. You want to help people so much that their problems become yours. And suddenly you can't seperate any of it."

I can't seperate any of it.