8.17

The worst part of someone forgetting my birthday is when they remember. And they feel guilty and then I feel guilty for making them feel guilty and it's all just a bad memory.

My birthday always falls during the unfortunate week of the summer's end and the semester's beginning. People are moving in, moving out and generally preoccupied and confused and they forget.

I hate being that girl who says, "TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY." And I so I have refrained. There is a brief window of opportunity wherein the birthday can be mentioned during the weeks before the big day and only to people who need a reminder or who don't matter. The former roommate, the saleslady.

When I realize today is forgetten I start cringing. Waiting for the moment or the day when it will be remembered. I get used to 08/17 being simply the last updated column in the data I'm formatting. I cower in my office, counting down the minutes until at least the realization won't be today.

Not all is forgotten. I've received emails and phone calls. The central coast, Ohio, Oregon, Florida. Text messages from the valley, blog posts from Chicago. And I'm slowly learning how fractured my life has become. Those close to me are no longer those I spend every day with and it's strange because next to every phone in my office is a list of office birthdays and yet, it is those far away from me who remember.

I want to run and cover all the birthday lists to avoid the guilt reaction. But instead I will look forward to tonight when I will share my first drink with two of my best friends. I will have my Illinois Driver's License with my 16-year-old smile ready and I will be born on this date in 1984.

Don't worry, I've already received liver poisoning warnings from both my mom and Shepherd and I don't plan on getting sick anyway. Vomiting is the farthest action from anything I would want to do on my birthday.

Thanks to all of you who sent emails. Thanks for the phone calls I have received already and the cards and the Starbucks cards. If you're all lucky I might post a picture from my wild night out tonight.