Dear Friend

I'm sorry I didn't call last night. I felt so very unlike me that I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone who knew me. And I am trying so very hard to be me and also not. All at the same time.

It was an academically challenging day and I couldn't stop myself from caring enough to take on the challenge. It was hard. I was discouraged, I was cynical. I found a story, I loved it, I wrote it. But I didn't want to marry it. At the end of the day I wanted to leave it behind, like a one-night stand and I pulled my knees up to my chin and wondered.

My spirit has been crushed. It doesn't make sense. I wanted to go see the red tide last night. I had seen it the night before, shortly before midnight at Newport. My relationship with the ocean is give-and-take and as the plankton came to the top of the water, glowing blue, and then receded I felt like I could love the ocean again. I wanted to go back, to feel that again, to understand nature in all its in misunderstood glory.

But I couldn't. When I got home I doubted the ocean would be there again and too many people told me I was crazy. I spent my evening wondering what people think and what they think about me and how I could possible reunite with this world. And at the end of it all, I am reminded that old loves die hard. Perfect ending for a perfect day.