1996

Almost every day I receive emails from United Airlines because I willingly gave them my email address.

This was a mistake for several reasons.

(1) I get invited to join their Premier clubs all the time. In order to join I must fly to three exotic places in the next twelve days and/or pay at least $200 a year. In exchange, I get to use their nice "Red Carpet Lounges" and earn double miles. Note on the Lounges: It IS NOT no strings attached. They are not free inside. You still have to pay for everything. I know, I was disappointed as well. Regardless of the fact that I can neither afford or am available to travel to several exotic locations in the near future, I always read the fine print to make sure that it really is a good offer. I end up deciding that it is--for someone who travels a lot anyway. I am not that someone.

(2) They send me coupons for things such as 10 percent off my next purchase. I promptly print out the coupon and put it in my "current" folder which is about as thick as the stack of books which are also considered current and which I attempt to address maybe twice a year. Thus, the coupon expires and I have lost all that savings. This just depresses me.

(3) They send me E-Fares each week informing me of the ticket sales from Chicago to a variety of other cities and countries. Once, it was only $310 to London roundtrip. I remember thinking that I had just barely that amount in my checking account and that if I was actually in Chicago and didn't have to publish a paper the next day that I would be halfway to London.

The worst though is when they email me the weekend before the Fourth of July reminded me that I can travel for such great low fares that weekend.

It breaks my heart that for $101 I could fly roundtrip from Chicago to Cedar Rapids. Why can't I fly from LAX to Chicago for $101? Why can't I just take some time off work and leave this awful asphalt heat just for a weekend e-fare?

Their emails taunt me. They make me wish I had a different life and a different bank account and that I could fly to Chicago for the Fourth of July.

I wish I could grab an e-fare back to Fourth of July 1996 when my life was fireworks and Daddy Burgers with no strings attached.