Tonight I cried a little. Because whenever I realize things about myself it makes me cry. Why? Because I don't do it very often. Soul searching is definately not one of my hobbies. Neither is crying. I hate both.

But I cried because I realized one of the reasons I don't let myself be vulnerable and get close with people is because I'm scared they'll find out who I really am. And whenever I reveal something about me (sinful nature and all) to someone else I immediately think of what they think of me now. And on a level I regret saying anything. Because if they really know me they won't like me.

I am a bad person. And what people think of me is really important to me (there, I just did it, I revealed something and now I regret it) and so I produce an effervesence and confidence that covers up everything else.